The research I’ve done on Effexor XR has yielded grim results. I’ve already felt some side effects from Effexor XR (at the lowest dose): stomach cramps, dizziness, blurred vision, taste perversion. At the same time, my husband noted a subtle difference –and I can tell because he stared. That, and I even caught myself dancing in the kitchen. Don’t ask. All I remember is it was something on TV I heard coming from the family room, a commercial, I think. I’ll keep writing down everything. Advair, on the other hand, so far, so good. I’m breathing better, and better yet, I’m able to take deep breaths. It’s preventive medicine, and it’s working... BUT, it contains a steroid, and we all know prolongued use of a steroid is not a good thing. It also weakens the immune system. I’m to keep this medication throughout the season, and that, being able to take a deep breath, is a great feeling… makes me smile. Prevacid… I didn’t bother taking that one. My logic? It’s like when you begin to feed your child baby food: you give them carrots for the first three days, see how the child reacts to it. Then you add, lets say peas. See how your child body reacts to that. This is how you screen a child for allergies to certain foods. So, same with meds. I take this one for a few days, keep a keen eye for its effect and side effects. Then add another. That way you are less likely to confuse or mix up on which drug is affecting one way or the other. So I'll probably add Prevacid by Friday; still, I have no idea as to how the doctor makes a connection between acid reflux (which I don't feel I have) to asthma, or depression for that matter.

*sigh*

This is what I know: my asthma has not been triggered by depression, more like the other way around. Last year, on Dec 23, '03, I fell sick with the flu, which turned to bronchitis, which later turned to a walking pneumonia. I had to take leave of work all thru to the second week of Feb '04. That's when I developed asthma. Now, whenever I get a cold or the weather changes abruptly (for example here in FL -hot one day, really cool and breezy on the next), I get asthma. I get asthma throughout the entire Fall and Winter seasons. The doctor called it reactive asthma, and my daughter was diagnosed the same by her pediatrician. In her case, if she gets drizzled in the rain say, at school, walking from recess back to the classroom, by nighttime she goes into a full asthma attack, and continues to wheeze for at least 3 or 4 days. We have a Nebulizer, so it is easy to give her therapy. If she gets a common cold, it escalates into asthma right away, even when treated, in a matter of hours.

Asthma runs in my family, my mom and two of my brothers have it, so I know what it’s like, and even thought I didn’t suffer it while growing up, it’s not unheard of to develop it later on.

I also have a lactose intolerance, which came about a year after I had my daughter, in which I fell ill with the flu for about a month. See the pattern here? Prolonged sickness, something new develops. Why? Because my immune system is low, and my body fights to cope. All my life, till now, it’s always been very rare that I get sick, but these past two years have been very different.

Onto the depression… I know I’m depressed, I’ve suffered it since I was 16. For me, it’s a deep sad feeling, out of nowhere (at least, not in a conscious way), just there, and I feel like I want to just sleep the day away (not that I can or do, but I’d like to), and rather not see anyone, save for a handful of people. Yes, I isolate myself. I, lil-miss-love-to-be-around-people-person, would rather stay at home, listening to soothing background music, with all the windows and drapes shut. Usually, I know why I get depressed when I do, and I’ve been able to step out of it without drugs… until now. Right now, I rather believe my depression is caused due to prolonged sickness, that “I’m so sick of being sick” feeling, because I’m not talking about a few days sick, I’m talking weeks, months even.

Still, I’m creatively active, I’m writing, painting, made a full redesign here, even added another blog. I go out if/when needed, or if I have the desire to. Like right now. I’m heading out, getting something to eat, and taking my camera with. If anything, I’ll come back home, and sit out in the back, next to my Willow, and continue with my art. Later tonight, I’ll wrap myself up real good, and sit out in commune with nature.