I honestly thought I wouldn't make it. Guess I really learned something else about myself. And even better, I'm getting to meet lots of talented and friendly people, both online and offline.

Soon as I feel better I'll be going to visit with a couple of knitting groups. Yes, I'm still sick. Not only did I lose my voice, I've now moved onto chronic sinusitis. Only good thing is everyone else at home has gotten better.

I still need to work on the other half, which is mostly papers, paints, books, canvases... but I wanted to show how it looks in the daytime.

And yes, for those of you who remember, that is my Willow inhabiting the space behind my desk. :)

Hopefully get a couple of hours to myself, and I'm planning to spend them knitting. I'll be posting a picture when I finish my project, but all other knitty updates can be found at my knitting blog, Zen Knitz.

You know how sometimes everything becomes just a little bit too much, and every little thing makes you hair and skin hurt, and for no good or obvious reason you just feel the need to crawl up into a ball and cry? Well, it happens to me sometimes, specially when I've just really gone out and spent myself and forgotten to give me a little attention. And I should know by now that if I go and spend myself completely, I'll be drained, and then I've got nothing left to give -not even myself.

Then we all got sick. The entire family -that's just like a kick in the ass when you're already halfway down, because when the entire family is sick, guess who gets to work overtime? Takes about a week and a half for us to get better, and then, my period. I swear, from down here, the only way has to be up.

I curled up into a ball and cried, and didn't want to be bothered by anyone. Not my kids, not my husband, not my friends. Just wanted to be left alone; just wanted to go to sleep. I hate when it gets like this, because it's like being on top of a cliff, knowing depression is always just a missed step away, and I don't want to fall anymore. Besides, I have all these wonderful projects going that I want to finish, that make me happy.

Yet it happens. I know I have to pay more attention, and I need to learn how to just be. How did I ever get so lost? So I decided to go for a walk. Afterwards, I sat out to be with nature, to commune, silently. To breathe. In fact, breathing is just what I needed to do. Just relax, center myself... and breathe. I'd forgotten to give myself a little time to breathe. And I'm left in wonder, how did I ever let that happen?

Here's where the body hack comes handy. Reboot. I need to reboot, need to focus, baby steps. I think this began Thursday of last week. Wake up, get the kids ready and off to school. I make a decision not to turn on my phone for the day. Soothing music throughout the house, comforting breakfast, soothing bath. Go for a walk. The places you go in your head when you go out for a stroll. Home again, shower, relaxed clothes. Wrote for a bit, with the music still in the background. Go to that place in my home that I truly call my own and make some changes there. After months and months of painting and writing and designing, a creative mind sometimes forgets about the clutter. Creativity and organization don't always play well together. No wonder my inner Monk is going into fits when I walk into my space - I don't want to be there because of the mess. Scraps of paper, boxes, files, books, paints, pastels, canvases, more paper... and these bare walls! Aghhh!

I move everything into the middle of the room, everything. All the papers I have on the wall come down, even my kids and my art. One big step back in order to make a giant leap forward. After all, it's about taking care of me now, and I'm happiest when in my space, creating or relaxing. Walls get bathed in a warm and relaxing green. Very soothing. Then I rethink the entire room layout. The way I set it up initally was in order to take advantage of the northern light that comes in through large window. And it worked, for the most part. Now since everything is in the middle, I have a new view of what it can be. Very promising! Moved my computer desk to it's new location, and bring my chair from the other side of the room. It doesn't invite anyone all by itself over there, and there's really no natural light to read there with. Besides, all that wonderful light from the north just waiting to bathe my hands as I get my knitting projects moving, because I'm way behind, and it's the first creative thing that comes to mind when I wake up lately.

I did a lot on Thursday, and carried on with a similar day on Friday. Major cleansing and renewal, both of my space and of my self. Saturday morning, I woke before everyone else, had breakfast, got dressed for gym, gathered my knitting supplies, and headed out the door. Lots of things still playing in my head. I intended to at least have the morning out and to myself. I found a place -the only place- in town where I can purchase quality yarns and actually sit and knit with other like folk. I arrived and was warmly welcomed by girls as yound as 11, and ladies as young as maybe 70, and we knit for more than 3 hours! The energy in there was absolutely wonderful. They even helped me figure out what I was doing wrong with my knitting. Soon as I fixed that I was flying. What an AHA! moment if ever there was one. I was breathing and zipping through the stitches with ease. I almost cried. Gave Barbara a great big hug for her help -for those of you who know your stitches, I was knitting continental style, which is what I taught myself and makes sense to me, but I was mixing it with Norweigan (?) and wrapping backwards. Don't ask. If someone in their ignorance could do that, it would be me. ;)

By the time I arrived home, it was 4PM. I felt renewed and at peace. The rest of my day at home was quiet, too. Off for some blogreads, where I found myself inspired by others that are in a more trying position than I am. Way to put things into perspective. Kids played, then we read a book together. A meal, a shower and off to rest.

Three days kind of rolled up into one big retreat for me. And it was definitely a treat, and well worth it. Tomorrow kids have no school, so I'll see what we can busy ourselves with. I have a few phone calls to make, too. ;)

I feel better, so much better, in both my space and my self. As ever a work in progress, there's more to do for my self. I know I'll be done with my room much sooner.

I just need to remember to breathe.

I hope my space makes you feel invited. It's working wonderfully for me.

I've woken up to many nice things, big and small. Today's was a small, personal treat. No, I'm not talking anything romantic, like chocolates aside my pillow or breakfast in bed. It's just the tiny happenings that make me smile.

Those of you that know me, know I'll always be a trekkie, and that I've had many a dream with the famous Jean-Luc Picard. Heck, I love the man behind that Picard, Partrick Stewart.

And so, as I sip down my coffee, and check my email messages, I see comment number 1701. Better yet, when I go to read and approve the comment, guess who authored it? Jean-Luc Picard, from Captain Picard's Journal.

If that doesn't bring a smile to a Star Trek fan, then I don't know what does.

Because I love doing insane things like that, and because my friend Lori has me hooked on knitting, I signed up for the 2006 Knitting Olympics, last night, at the last minute. My challenge? Two scarves within the next 16 days, the duration of the 2006 Olympic Games. Since I had not knit in years, I've been practicing. Today, however, I begin on my new projects.

Stephanie and her helpful team did an amzing job at setting this up... and imagine, almost 4000 knitters from all over the world. Wow.

Wish us luck!

I admire Lady Heather, in all the CSI episodes she's appeared in.

Tonight was her best. Because which mother who has their child murdered wouldn't entertain taking matters into her own hands, in whichever way they know how?

The latest event most of you already know about, my little surprise motorcycle. :) I must say it's much fun and can't wait to get around more on it. Perhaps I can even make Daytona this year. ;) Takes a bit of getting used to, since on my Lobster's sport bike the shifts are very easy, just a slight lift with the tip of my foot, but on mine they are a bit harder, and must be done farther into the midsection of my foot. It's very easy to ride... now if the weather would just cooperate a bit more; I'll have pictures up soon.

Books I've read this month: my On Creativity choice Life, Paint and Passion, and for my Classics choice The Collected Poems Emily Dickenson (which I had begun reading last year, but only got around to reading it again during January this past month). With those two I've met my two books minimum for the month of January, and it didn't feel to rushed. I'm thinking of setting up my book blog up again, so you may see that up soon.

Otronicon - best video gaming event I've ever experienced. This was a 10-day convention held at the Orlando Science Center, and it was magnificent. My son and I attended both Saturdays. I must admit that the event exceeded all expectations for me. There were several tournaments that I watched -as much as I like games there was no way I'd even fancy the idea of playing with the pros. My son played every game he got a chance to get a turn on. Imagine how exciting it was to watch the pro gamers play Halo 2 on the gigantic CineDome screen!

The first Saturday I attended I had hoped that I'd be lucky enough to meet and perhaps even interview Alex Jebailey, who I read held several tournament championships under his belt, as well as several world breaking records. While watching awe-struck at the gamers playing Dance Dance Revolution -a game that had me hooked immediately- I exchanged a few words and questions with a couple of young men, one of them mentioning how he lost 40 pounds playing the game, and I had noticed he played the game with a particular ease. The other young man, also quick with the feet, told me I could find a metal game controller such as the one at the event if I searched online, since the one that comes bundled with the game is plastic, and wouldn't last very long with daily use. I kept watching the players line up and play, and some of them just blew my mind. The coordination and speed they had was amazing. Hooked, I was hooked I tell ya! We ended up leaving shortly before midnight, my son brimming with joy at all the time he was able to spend playing, me a little disapointed that I hadn't gotten a hold of this record-breaking gamer.

Sunday morning I Googled for the metal game controller, and for whatever information I could find on this headliner. I also found Alex Jebailey's website and immediately realized I had actually spoken two words with the young man the night before! By Sunday afternoon I had already purchased my own DDR game. I've been playing it daily ever since. I believe it was later during the week that I was able to make contact with Alex via IM, chat for a while, and make plans for the following weekend. He mentioned he'd be answering questions from 1 to 3 PM on Saturday, then participating in a DDR challenge from 7 to 9. I missed both. My son and I were there on Sunday, to watch the Tournament finals, and cheer our new favorite gamer since he was competing - at least that was the plan. My son practically attached himself to a gaming station and I was left to cheer and later play -yes, I played till midnight- all by myself. My new friend Alex did not dissapoint, and won the tournament. :)

Now I'm off to visit all of you and catch up, and to continue watching the Super Bowl XL. Part two will be coming soon!