You know how sometimes everything becomes just a little bit too much, and every little thing makes you hair and skin hurt, and for no good or obvious reason you just feel the need to crawl up into a ball and cry? Well, it happens to me sometimes, specially when I've just really gone out and spent myself and forgotten to give me a little attention. And I should know by now that if I go and spend myself completely, I'll be drained, and then I've got nothing left to give -not even myself.

Then we all got sick. The entire family -that's just like a kick in the ass when you're already halfway down, because when the entire family is sick, guess who gets to work overtime? Takes about a week and a half for us to get better, and then, my period. I swear, from down here, the only way has to be up.

I curled up into a ball and cried, and didn't want to be bothered by anyone. Not my kids, not my husband, not my friends. Just wanted to be left alone; just wanted to go to sleep. I hate when it gets like this, because it's like being on top of a cliff, knowing depression is always just a missed step away, and I don't want to fall anymore. Besides, I have all these wonderful projects going that I want to finish, that make me happy.

Yet it happens. I know I have to pay more attention, and I need to learn how to just be. How did I ever get so lost? So I decided to go for a walk. Afterwards, I sat out to be with nature, to commune, silently. To breathe. In fact, breathing is just what I needed to do. Just relax, center myself... and breathe. I'd forgotten to give myself a little time to breathe. And I'm left in wonder, how did I ever let that happen?

Here's where the body hack comes handy. Reboot. I need to reboot, need to focus, baby steps. I think this began Thursday of last week. Wake up, get the kids ready and off to school. I make a decision not to turn on my phone for the day. Soothing music throughout the house, comforting breakfast, soothing bath. Go for a walk. The places you go in your head when you go out for a stroll. Home again, shower, relaxed clothes. Wrote for a bit, with the music still in the background. Go to that place in my home that I truly call my own and make some changes there. After months and months of painting and writing and designing, a creative mind sometimes forgets about the clutter. Creativity and organization don't always play well together. No wonder my inner Monk is going into fits when I walk into my space - I don't want to be there because of the mess. Scraps of paper, boxes, files, books, paints, pastels, canvases, more paper... and these bare walls! Aghhh!

I move everything into the middle of the room, everything. All the papers I have on the wall come down, even my kids and my art. One big step back in order to make a giant leap forward. After all, it's about taking care of me now, and I'm happiest when in my space, creating or relaxing. Walls get bathed in a warm and relaxing green. Very soothing. Then I rethink the entire room layout. The way I set it up initally was in order to take advantage of the northern light that comes in through large window. And it worked, for the most part. Now since everything is in the middle, I have a new view of what it can be. Very promising! Moved my computer desk to it's new location, and bring my chair from the other side of the room. It doesn't invite anyone all by itself over there, and there's really no natural light to read there with. Besides, all that wonderful light from the north just waiting to bathe my hands as I get my knitting projects moving, because I'm way behind, and it's the first creative thing that comes to mind when I wake up lately.

I did a lot on Thursday, and carried on with a similar day on Friday. Major cleansing and renewal, both of my space and of my self. Saturday morning, I woke before everyone else, had breakfast, got dressed for gym, gathered my knitting supplies, and headed out the door. Lots of things still playing in my head. I intended to at least have the morning out and to myself. I found a place -the only place- in town where I can purchase quality yarns and actually sit and knit with other like folk. I arrived and was warmly welcomed by girls as yound as 11, and ladies as young as maybe 70, and we knit for more than 3 hours! The energy in there was absolutely wonderful. They even helped me figure out what I was doing wrong with my knitting. Soon as I fixed that I was flying. What an AHA! moment if ever there was one. I was breathing and zipping through the stitches with ease. I almost cried. Gave Barbara a great big hug for her help -for those of you who know your stitches, I was knitting continental style, which is what I taught myself and makes sense to me, but I was mixing it with Norweigan (?) and wrapping backwards. Don't ask. If someone in their ignorance could do that, it would be me. ;)

By the time I arrived home, it was 4PM. I felt renewed and at peace. The rest of my day at home was quiet, too. Off for some blogreads, where I found myself inspired by others that are in a more trying position than I am. Way to put things into perspective. Kids played, then we read a book together. A meal, a shower and off to rest.

Three days kind of rolled up into one big retreat for me. And it was definitely a treat, and well worth it. Tomorrow kids have no school, so I'll see what we can busy ourselves with. I have a few phone calls to make, too. ;)

I feel better, so much better, in both my space and my self. As ever a work in progress, there's more to do for my self. I know I'll be done with my room much sooner.

I just need to remember to breathe.

I hope my space makes you feel invited. It's working wonderfully for me.